


I gave you dirt, I gave you water, you gave me uncontrollable horniness

by crystallineAbyss, Joyfulldreams, OneSkyOneDestiny, ruthlesslistener, saccharomyces_cerevisibae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bulges, F/F, Multiple Orgasms, PWP, Penetration, Porn, Sex Pollen, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 23:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13177071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystallineAbyss/pseuds/crystallineAbyss, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyfulldreams/pseuds/Joyfulldreams, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneSkyOneDestiny/pseuds/OneSkyOneDestiny, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthlesslistener/pseuds/ruthlesslistener, https://archiveofourown.org/users/saccharomyces_cerevisibae/pseuds/saccharomyces_cerevisibae
Summary: This is an exquisite corpse, a collaboration between six different authors where each writes a piece and passes on only their piece to the next author, who writes theirs based on it.Summary: Rose and Kanaya go plant shopping, and get more than they bargained for with a mysterious plant





	I gave you dirt, I gave you water, you gave me uncontrollable horniness

**saccaromyces_cerevisibae**

The day starts out like any other- Kanaya had wanted to get some new plants, so the two of you made your way over to the Earth C equivalent of Home Depot to browse the greenery. The two of you make your way through the houseplant section, and you idly pet a fern as Kanaya prods at some viney green thing with a furrowed brow and a slight frown. 

You wander further into the plant section, noting that your house is already overflowing with the majority of the different species offered here, and stop at a rather...  _ interesting _ looking flower. It’s enormous, more than two feet across with fat reddish petals pockmarked with spots the color and texture of an orange peel. The pit in the middle is large enough that you think you could fit your head inside, and it’s filled with grains of orangey-brown pollen so big they look like sand.

In short, this plant is ugly as fuck. And of  _ course  _ Kanaya wants it, seeing as how it’s the only plant in the entire section that you don’t already have one (or two or five) of. It’s also incredibly heavy, as you find out, when it comes time to lift it into your cart.

As you and Kanaya pick the plant up, her enthusiasm for getting a new exotic houseplant shows though as she lifts a little too hard and upends the flower onto you.

_ What do you know, _ you think, dazed,  _ my head _ does  _ fit in here _ . It’s dark and kind of earthy smelling inside, and a little bit musky. Not a bad smell, but definitely not something you’d willingly have shoved up your nose.

Your head is promptly removed from the flower by Kanaya, who has lifted it off of you and into the cart in one swift, concerned movement. While your wife’s demonstrations of troll strength are usually quite... affecting, you realize that you are now covered in the grains of pollen, as well as some kind of sticky yellowish sap.

You give Kanaya a wry smile and say, “as fun as this trip has been, I think we should get home so that I can shower.” Kanaya agrees, and the two of you quickly check out and head home with our new plant.

Once home, you immediately make a beeline for the shower and strip down. You’re generally not one to let yourself remain sticky when dirty, and the longer it’s on you, the weirder the pollen and sap seem to smell. You  _ really _ hope that you can get the smell out.

As you rinse yourself down, you notice that the hot water seems to be beading over the sap rather than soaking into it, and that the grains of pollen are sticking to the sap and therefore to you. You scrub fruitlessly at the stickiness, first with your hands and hot water and then with a soapy shower pouf, but the stubborn sap  _ will not come off _ . The weird smell seems to be getting stronger, probably from the hot steamy air and your scrubbing. 

Sensing that reinforcements may be the way to go, you call out, “Kanaya? Could you help me get this off?” and after a second, you add, “and bring the dish soap.”

**Joyfulldreams**

At first, you wonder if Kanaya simply didn't hear you over the sound of shower. You don't bother with any more fruitless scrubbing at your furiously sticky, increasingly malodorous head. Instead, you turn off the thus far useless stream of water in an attempt to listen for a response. You wait about 10 seconds before calling again. "Kanaya!" 

Your house isn't that big, and you've learned over the years that Kanaya's smell isn't the only sense of hers that's particularly keen. She SHOULD have heard you that time. It doesn't take you very long to deduce that she must be outside. Duh. Finding a place in the garden for the nefarious bit of fauna responsible for your predicament. It's far too large to even consider keeping inside. Well. You personally might consider moving it to a spot where it can serve as effective an eyesore as possible while entertaining guests. More specifically, Dave. And even more specifically, to do the opposite of entertain him. 

Still, you probably shouldn't linger if you have any intention of receiving Kanaya's assistance with the sap. No matter how amusing it is to think about Dave gawking at the giant ugly flower and trying to wrap his head around it's existence. (If John were around at the same time, he'd more than likely push Dave in and land him in exactly your situation. You'll determine how hilarious that would actually be once you discover the proper sap and pollen removal method. You're kind of grasping at straws with the dish soap idea.) You step out of the shower, open the bathroom window, and poke your head out. You call again, repeating your request.

This time, you hit jackpot. Kanaya’s steady, melodic voice drifts into your ears. “Just one moment!” Another few seconds, and her voice becomes much clearer. “Dish soap? Perhaps clearing out the supply cabinet entirely would be a safer bet!”

Now, you always enjoy the sound of your wife’s voice. You also adore her sharp wit and jocular demeanor. But the way your heart rate quickens and your face warms is a noticeable overreaction. The odor of the sap is getting so sharp, now, it’s starting to feel as if it’s burrowing into and under your skin. You feel goosebumps on your arms and shoulders, but you can tell it isn’t from cold, because you’re actually strangely warm.

You briefly try to recall how much of this stuff you might have breathed in.

**Zakk**

Covering your nose and mouth with your hand, you take a deep breath and allow yourself to wallow in denial for a moment. There was absolutely no way this was happening. 

But you’ve read enough in the way of eclectic fictions to recognize the signs. You quickly duck away from the bathroom window and lean back against the door, drenching both the wood paneling and the linoleum as you stand there, soaked (the double meaning of the word here does not escape you). The sap continues to bleed through your hair, settling uncomfortably against your skull. You curse yourself for allowing this situation to befall you, curse perverted plant matter everywhere, and especially curse the damnable excuse for petals and greenery responsible for your predicament. 

You almost don’t hear Kanaya’s quick raps on the door over your own pounding heartbeat. The scent curling in your nose changes suddenly, becoming something closer to peppermint and sage. Nice. The sap smelled  _ nice _ . You quickly change your mind about asking for Kanaya’s help in removal of the sludgy pitch from your head. You absolutely would not be able to take having her hands in your hair. (As much as you  _ wanted _ her hands there. As well as other places.)

“One bottle of dish soap, as requested.” she says, muffled behind the door. Quick as a hare, she is. You crack the door open only a fraction, enough to slip your hand through and grab blindly for the container. You touch nothing but air as you miss the bottle a few times, but you most certainly don’t miss your wife’s gentle laugh at your hand swatting uselessly around. God, her laugh. You don’t think you’ve ever appreciated the sound of anyone’s enjoyment of your misfortune as much as you enjoy hers right now.

“Do you require some assistance?” she asks, snorting. Oh, hell no. You can’t deal with having her near you, not in the state you’re in currently. You finally lay a hand on the damn bottle.   
“All set, thank you.” you reply, pulling the container of hard-won dish liquid into the bathroom with you and closing the door. You set about turning the shower back on, placing the bottle on the floor of the tub. A couple of lighter, slower knocks sound on the door behind you.

“Yes?”

“Are you certain that you are alright, my love?” Oh. That sent a very interesting feeling through your stomach. You swallow thickly, and struggle to form a reply. No, you weren’t alright, not really. But how to phrase that? ‘I believe the sap and pollen that has been scattered upon me by that piece of shit mystery flower is some kind of fucking magic aphrodisiac, but how is  _ your _ day going, Kanaya?’

You eventually settle on slowly padding over to the towel rack and divesting it of its charge, wrapping the strangely too-abrasive fabric around your chest (which was wholly unnecessary, given the fact that Kanaya has seen you naked more times than you can feasibly count, but you’re suddenly feeling  much too exposed), and opening the door. Her look of worry tugs at you. Wordlessly, she places the back of her hand on your forehead, and you don’t catch whatever she says after that, because being touched feels  _ astounding _ right now.   
“Rose?” she chirps, waving her hand in front of your face to get your attention.

“I…zoned out. Sorry?”

“You are rather pink. And warm.” 

“Quite likely because I was just in the shower.”

“That would…make sense.” she admits, blushing a bit. “My apologies.”

No need to worry her, after all. She gestures toward the shower, and you move to seat yourself on the edge of the bathtub, towel still wrapped quite tightly around your torso. Kanaya either does not notice how pointless this is, or chooses not to comment, and reaches over your shoulder to turn on the faucet. You can feel your skin flushing.

She grabs the bottle of dubiously lemon-scented detergent and uncaps it, pouring a generous amount into her hand. She rubs it into your pollen and sap crusted hair, beginning to work at cleaning the mess away. Her hands feel incredible on your scalp right now, almost hypnotic swipes of her fingers causing you to go boneless and limp against her touch. You’re relaxed and serene…

Right until her elbow bumps against your chest, causing you to loose the most embarrassing keen you’ve ever made. Fuck.  _ Fuck _ .

 

**ruthlesslistener**

She freezes in concern, and you cover your face with your hands, paying no mind to the soap and sap streaming down the sides of your hands, too far gone in the throes of your mortification to care. The tingling heat in your belly twists and throbs- only now, it’s all over, the spot on your breast that she accidentally struck practically ringing with sensation. It makes you go weak at the knees, and you try to brace yourself against her, praying to all the gods above (which you suppose includes you, now) that she doesn’t notice.

She, of course, does. The sweep of her hands against your sides as she reaches to steady you sends a spark of arousal curling down your spine, all hot, wet, chemical heat. You couldn’t care less about the pollen and sap still stuck in your hair, abandoned there when Kanaya stopped washing it; all you can focus on is the slight trail of her claws across your ribs, tracing your curves, and how much you so desperately want her,  _ need _ her to touch you.

“Rose?” the worried chirr in her voice gnaws at you. You spread your legs a little farther apart, trying to ignore the throbbing ache in between them, and don’t reply. “Rose, are you alright? What’s wrong?”

There's nothing more that you would want than to run and hide under the nearest rock until your embarrassment passes, but you can’t stand how concerned she is for you, how fretful she’s starting to become, thinking there’s something wrong with you. No matter how stressful it may be, you cannot bear to lie to your wife- so you swallow down your mortification, breathe against the need pulsing through your veins, and try your best to explain your predicament.

“You know that mystery plant I ran into? The one that covered me in all this shit in the first place?” Kanaya answers you with a worried hum that proves that nothing of what you said to her helped relieve her anxiety. “Well, there appears to have been some sort of aphrodisiac in the pollen or the sap that I was covered with, and I am now quite...affected.”

“O-oh.” Her grip tightens on your sides, claws raking wonderfully against your skin. You try to stifle the groan clicking in your throat, and fail. When you blearily look over your shoulder to see how Kanaya reacted, you’re struck with the face she always gets when she’s supremely flustered, two spots of dark jade high on her stone-grey cheeks. It does nothing to stifle your arousal. “Would you, ah, perhaps, like me to help you with that?”

_ “Jegus, yes,” _ you moan, not even trying to hide your arousal this time, too swept away in giddy relief to bother. You’re practically burning up; if you don’t get her bulge in you now or her tongue on your clit, you think you might die.  _ ”Please. _ I want you so badly, love.”

You hear her swallow behind you, feel the slight  _ click-click-hum _ in her rumblespheres as her mating chirr starts up. It’s a mechanical, cicada-like buzz that you never thought would be anything more than endearing, but now sets your stomach afire with heat, a sensation matched only when you start to feel her bulge unsheathe against you, the tip leaving a wet smear across your back as it quests for an opening.

**crystallineAbyss**

Her grip on your sides loosens, ghosting your hips as clawed fingertips take their time to move down your front in an agonizing fashion.  Your skin alights with sensation from the delicate touch, a desperate whine escapes you.  As much as you delighted in the way her fingertips glided across your stomach and angled south towards the main event, your addled sensibilities made you increasingly impatient the more the longing burned inside you.  Whether it was the pollen or the sap that still clung to your flesh despite Kanaya’s best efforts to combat it, one of the two served to stoke the fires that curled in your abdomen – fires that flared up as her hand disappeared between your thighs.

You draw a sharp breath as you lean against your wife, eyes closed as a moan resonates in your throat.  You suppose your face must be the brightest of scarlets from the effect the plant had on you, but you wish you could say that was all; further your face burned with embarrassment from how much you were getting off on her fingers grazing the insides of your thighs.  The aphrodisiacs the plant held in its byproduct must’ve been something fierce, as she hadn’t even given you what you wanted so badly and yet you still reacted as if she had begun to. 

A few agonizing seconds pass before she finally traces down your labia, dipping into you slightly on the trip back up and earning her an embarrassingly vocal reaction from you.  You relieve your hands of their pointless job of trying to hide your embarrassment and migrate them from your face to Kanaya’s thighs that rested besides you, attempting to ground yourself as she continued to drag out her careful movements.

“Remind me when we’re done where you found this plant,” she almost whispered, voice low in your ear.  That alone keeps you from properly articulating a response, a task that was made more difficult by her finally slipping into your folds.  A leg jerks back, sloshing the bath water around loudly.  Kanaya’s free hand finds itself on your shoulder, sliding up and down in a fashion you can’t discern the intent of – soothing, or sexual?  “Too fast?”  The concern in her voice codes the touch as the former rather than the latter.  “My apologies, I hadn’t realized that the effects were this severe.  I’ll be sure not to take this too quickly.”

Another whine escapes you against your will, your hips shifting against her fingers to try and slide them further in.  “Kanaya, I mean absolutely no offense to you in any way, shape or form-” Your breath hitches in time with her moving two fingers inside of you.  “Shape.  Form.   _ Fuck. _  Kanaya,  _ please. _ If this wasn’t clear enough, what I need isn’t for you to be careful – I greatly appreciate the concern!”

“Then what is it you need?”  Her bulge traces down your back, leaving a trail as she idly times the methodical twisting of her alien appendage with the careful movements of her fingers now inside of you.  “You’re going to have to be specific.”

_ Fuck. _  Your hips buck again against her, head lolling to rest on her shoulder.  Why even offer to help if she was just going to make you beg for it and go after your already bruised pride?

“I want you to  _ fuck me already.  Please, _ Kanaya.   _ Please. _ ”

**OneSkyOneDestiny**

"Since you asked so nicely." 

You feel her hot breath as her fangs ghost your neck. It would be so easy for her to break your skin, in just the right place for it to be near fatal. That thought shouldn't arouse you as much it does, but at this point the heat your feeling is unbearable and you'd do anything for the sentience of any kind of movement. 

She removes her fingers and slowly enters you. You feel relief but even greater desire all at once. You've never felt this sensitive before and as she moves in and out all you can do is sit there, holding onto her as she is all too gentle with you. 

"You're doing so wonderfully dear." She reassures you. 

**saccaromyces_cerevisibae**

You keen as her bulge strokes you from the inside out, hot and slick. It’s good, so good, but not  _ enough _ . You cant your hips towards her and clutch at her shoulders, trying to get more friction. All that your efforts get you is a throaty chuckle, and she grabs at your ass and drags her fangs across your neck.

You’re going to have to be direct again, it seems. 

“Kanaya, please, just  _ fuck _ me already,” you groan out, desperation leaking into your voice. Normally, you’re all for the slow buildup, the gentle tease working its way towards hot and heavy and overwhelming, but you’re over sensitive and wanting, and something primal in your brain screams for more  _ now _ .

Giving that same throaty chuckle that seems to buzz throughout her body, Kanaya grabs your ass with both hands and snaps her hips into you. You cry out, nails scrabbling at her back as she pumps in and out of you, her bulge writhing and curling inside you in all the right places. Her pace is almost frantic, punching your breath out of you in whines and moans with each thrust, and exactly what you need right now.

“Fuck, yes, Kan, just let me, please I need to-” you stutter out, half coherent as you try to get more sensation on your clit. Kanaya grips your hips and drags you in closer, the wide base of her bulge bottoming out in you and the textured edges of her bulge sheath rubbing against your clit. You swear you see stars, your eyes rolling back in your head, and she grinds herself against you, no longer thrusting but making up for it by thrashing her bulge inside you harder. 

You grab her by the horns and mash your lips together, kissing her desperately. She sucks at your lower lip, grazing it less than gently with her fangs and your whole body lights up at the sting of it. Still grinding your hips into her, you cling to her harder, trying to get even closer as you feel yourself release, the building heat inside you spilling out. You moan out Kanaya’s name, shudders wracking your body at the sensation of her still inside you. 

From what you can tell, she’s nowhere near finished, and from the slow hazy procession of your thoughts, you realize that you aren’t either. Far from being sleepy and a little bit hungry after coming like normal, you find yourself still warm and over sensitive. 

“Rose, should I-” she begins to ask, voice thick with arousal but still aware enough that you might be done and ready to finish herself off.

“Fuck no,” you gasp out, “need you, keep going,  _ please _ .”

She growls lowly, possessive and almost feral, and it makes you suck in a breath and clutch at her. You can feel your body screaming for her, wanting nothing more than to take everything she’s willing to give you and beg for more. 

**crystallineAbyss**

Her bulge twists itself around inside of you as its ridges form into a loose thread that hooked everywhere it needed to, emphasizing the tamer euphemism of  _ screwing _ .  Or rather,  _ unscrewing _ , as her bulge was slowly extracted from where it should be.  You move to complain; you try and vocalize your need to her, and only manage the nonverbal as a loud whine escapes you and you want to die from the mortification of it, burying your face in her shoulder.  Thank the forces that be that she’d most likely not speak of this after all was said and done.  As you try and file another complaint – not even caring this time if it’s too needy as it perfectly conveys what you want from Kanaya – the aforementioned  _ tease _ traces her fingers down your neck before resting her hand on your shoulder and gently pressing down on it.

“Really?” you managed with surprising coherency, but no physical resistance to her touch.  It was  _ supposed _ to be her helping you, not the other way around.

Low clicking emanated from her chest as she guided you down.  “Just trust me,” she chides, lifting her hand once you’re seated on the ground.  The hand that once rested on your shoulder found itself on your chest, pushing you back at that excruciating pace – why was she like this?  Nonetheless, you comply and don’t protest...too much.  A loud groan accentuated by throwing your head back was the response to Kanaya’s scheme.  You do suppose she’s going faster than before, but not fast enough to meet your insurmountable  _ need. _

After what seems like an eternity, her hands find themselves on your ass once more, fingernails digging into you.  You glance over at her as she angles your hips up to meet hers, watching her slick bulge writhe from neglect.  With one hand still at your hip and the other guiding her bulge, she finally fills the void that was left by her earlier.  A loud gasp escapes you as your wrap your legs around her back in a move both to aid her in her conquest, and pull her in closer and keep her from escaping.  In and out, she pounds her hips into yours as she inches further in with each snap.  Your hands fly to the ground behind you to keep yourself steady, gasping at the pace she’s set that contrasted the buildup.  Her bulge writhes inside of you, and you know she’s getting close by how stiff its movements are becoming.  Her hips do most of the work now as she lets go of your ass and moves up to catch your mouth with hers, fingers digging into your hair and greedily pulling you in.  You hardly protest this and return the favor and return the kiss with renewed fervor, your own hands creeping down her sides.

Your gut heats up and you can feel yourself creeping towards the edge when she finishes first: a moan cast into your mouth, chirring in her throat, and fluids spilling from her bulge and filling you thoroughly.  You’re both panting as she pulls away and out, bulge fleeing back inside its sheath.  You’re still burning up – right on the very edge – and she seems to catch that, a tired but loving sigh escaping her as she reaches a hand down to help.  With her dexterous fingers at work inside you, it doesn’t take long before her name is being chanted with near reverence as you finally finish once and for all.

**saccaromyces_cerevisibae**

As you come down from your orgasm, you find yourself quenched of your need, at least for the time being. The two of you remain seated on the ground for a while longer before getting up to clean yourselves of the mess you’ve made on the floor. 

The both of you are tired, and a little too lazy at the moment to do more than a cursory wipe-down before collapsing on the couch together, snuggled under a soft fluffy blanket.

“Kanaya?” you ask, slurring a little in your sleepiness. She hums in response, listening but too tired to put words into it. “This was nice,” you say. A low rumbling purr begins to emanate from deep in her chest, and she hugs you tighter to her as the two of you drift off.

**Author's Note:**

> This corpse was a lot of fun to make! It came at a bad time of year for a lot of us, but we pulled it together and finished. Let us know what you thought!


End file.
